Hint: You stopped having fun
For the past year, I have been writing story after story about the failed romantic relationships of my life, and what went wrong. I have no shortage of tales of woe. I have been divorced twice, experienced a very difficult break-up between marriages, and had countless dates and quasi-relationships that simply went nowhere fast.
I have written about the physical, sexual, mental, and emotional abuse I’ve experienced at the hands of my partners. I’ve written about losing my sense of reality and the confusion that comes with endless gaslighting. I have dissected what went wrong…
Here’s how to get it back
I published exactly 3 stories in March. This is an all-time low since I started writing on Medium in August of 2019. Normally, I average two stories a week or more, and I sit down to write every single day. On February 1st, I started working a full-time job again after three years of self-employment, and for the first time in a long time I am working on someone else’s schedule. …
7 behaviors that will tell you everything you need to know
Have many times have you looked across the table into the eyes of the person you were dating, living with, or perhaps had even married and thought to yourself What the hell am I doing with them?
I know I have —and more than once. Actually, more times than I’d like to admit. It’s hard finding someone you like, who is looking for a relationship, who happens to be alive and kicking at the same time in history, and lives close enough to your geographical location to make being…
A long overdue update
It’s been a while since I’ve talked about the real reason I started Breaking All The Rules. BATR started as a platform to report on my successes and failures with trading stock options when I lost my job in late 2017.
The idea behind my grand life experiment was that I would take the money from my 401K along with some additional money I managed to cobble together from a variety of sources, and I would finance my creative life through options trading. …
My boyfriend and I have a habit that developed in the first few weeks of our relationship and stuck. We start our day with a morning text unless we happen to be together. Our morning love messages help us maintain a long distance relationship and let each of us know that the other person is a priority.
If you look at our text history, you will see pet names, all variety of heart-eyed emojis, and an occasional naughty photo. There are selfies and randomly sent pics of things that remind us of our conversations or each other. There is nothing…
The hardest part isn’t what you think
A year and a half ago I thought I knew what I wanted. I wanted to keep my marriage together so that my children would have a stable home. I wanted to be a writer who didn’t have to spend her hours working a nine-to-five to make somebody’s else’s dream come true. I wanted a small cozy place to call my own. I wanted to be free to travel and experience the world. I wanted a close-knit group of friends. I wanted the time to be there for my kids.
The universe had…
The life-changing magic of adult recess
No matter what you do for a living, unless you are extraordinarily lucky, you likely spend many of your days engaged in at least some of the following activities:
Spend hours in meetings where there is so much information you don’t have time to process it before moving to the next meeting.
Listen politely to co-workers who can’t stop talking about their “fur babies”.
Stare at a screen until your eyes bleed.
Answer stupid questions all day long. And yes, there is such a thing as a stupid question.
Eat while you work.
It is Valentine’s Day and I am watching my boyfriend scrape the ice off the sidewalk in front of my house. Whether he knows it or not, acts of service is my love language and this means more to me than all the roses in the world (although he covered that base too.) Earlier this morning he joined me and my daughters for a family-style Valentine breakfast that included hand-made cards, origami roses, and lots of candy. Watching him interact with my seven-year-old and my teenager did more to endear him to me than a thousand candle-lit dinners.
When my oldest daughter was very young, only four or five years old, she said something to me that changed our relationship forever. She told me in no uncertain terms that she didn’t like the tone of my voice. It wasn’t the words I was saying, but how I was saying them that was upsetting her. I don’t remember her exact words but I got the message loud and clear.
My daughter was setting boundaries about how other people treated her.
While this is something I would have never done at that age (who am I kidding? I didn’t learn…
How to survive the first few weeks at a new job
I hate new jobs. Really, I hate every single thing about being new. Learning new names, getting accustomed to new routines, navigating the personality quirks of new bosses, understanding the politics of organizations, becoming comfortable with new software. Remembering dozens of new passwords. All of it.
But I’ve realized over time that the worst part of being new is the unrelenting fear that I will fail. The fear that somehow, even though I know I am an accomplished and reasonably intelligent person, I won’t be able to learn something…