I Never Saw it Coming

Alecia Kennedy
5 min readFeb 19, 2022

Something only said by people who are fooling themselves.

Photo by Sigmund on Unsplash

There is a pattern to the end of a relationship as surely as there is a pattern to the beginning, and if you are honest with yourself, you can see it coming a mile away.

The problem is that most of us don’t want our relationships to end so we tell ourselves that we are not seeing what we know we are seeing. We tell ourselves the comment that was made meant nothing, or that story that didn’t quite add up actually made sense. We tell ourselves that the queasy feeling in our gut was something we ate. Or that the arch of a friend’s eyebrow was a coincidence. We tell ourselves that everything is fine, when in reality, there is a locomotive of pain chugging ever faster toward us with no chance of stopping in time.

I’m old enough to have experienced many relationship endings — some casual, some serious, some marital. They ranged the gamut from longtime boyfriends to acquaintances, to true friends who I never thought I’d lose. Sometimes I ended the relationship and sometimes I was the one hanging on too long.

By the time I was in my late twenties, I came to recognize a distinct pattern that accompanied all endings. Because of this I have never been surprised by the end. I’ve been angry and disappointed and utterly sad, but never surprised. There are always “tells”, the little…