What Did I Come Here To Learn?
--
Maybe that’s the wrong question. What did I come here to teach?
For several months, I’ve felt as if I am waiting for something that I haven’t been able to name. I’m not sure what it is, but I can feel that change is in the air and I’m ready for it. I am sitting in an uncomfortable place of anticipation, stuckness, and uncertainty. So, like any reasonable person, I went to see a tarot reader/psychic medium for answers.
The tarot reader told me something right off the bat that made me laugh. Not because it was ridiculous, but because I’ve heard it many times from different people throughout my life, and I’ve always resisted the idea. I have gone out of my way to make sure I didn’t become what everyone told me I should be. She told me I should become a teacher.
My mom has always told me I should be a teacher. So did ex-husband number two. And now that a complete stranger has pointed out the same thing, maybe I should listen?
All of my life, I’ve wondered what I came here (meaning this existence) to accomplish. I never felt as if my path was clear or obvious and I spent years tamping down my desires with practicality. I’ve often felt as though situation after situation in my life was trying to teach me something very important, yet that knowledge seemed to remain just out of reach.
Only very recently in my middle-age, have I started to feel as though I’ve learned some very important lessons. I’ve been able to reflect on my current self as compared to my teenage self, my twenty-something self, my thirty-something self, etc. and I see how I have changed for the better. I see how my choices, my attitude, and my demeanor have changed. I’m happy for where I am in my life at this point, but I also feel as though I’m just beginning to scratch the surface of what there is left to learn.
So what have I learned? What has my life been about? What lessons have I gleaned from all the pain, uncertainty, joy, happiness, and grief? And how can I be a teacher when I still feel like the student?
Through a series of unhealthy relationships, I have finally learned how to let go of someone. I have learned about boundaries. I have learned that I can make decisions for myself regardless of other people’s feelings about those decisions. I do not…
