Do you start to get scared?
We all know people who self-sabotage. They get so close to their goals or they actually reach some crazy milestone and “Boom”, on cue they completely destroy their career or blow up their marriage. Sometimes they can’t stop with one area of their life and seem to go out of their way to make sure that no good thing is left intact. They have the Midas touch in reverse, everything they touch turns to shit.
That was never me.
Despite not being very ambitious in my career, I have always manifested whatever I needed at the time.
You can read more about some of my manifestations here, but the point is I’ve always been able to win the scholarship, snag the job, go on the trip, generate the money, or meet the right person with relative ease once I decided what I needed to happen and relaxed into the knowing that it was coming my way.
And when the thing I had dreamed of appeared in front of me, I always welcomed it with open arms. That is, until now. For the first time in my life, I understand the why people self-sabotage and it’s scaring the shit out of me.
For the past several months, I have worked hard to find the right mindset to relax into a job that did not feel right for me. I knew that if I could be happy with it for now, while keeping my eyes open for new opportunities, that my situation would change. After a year of frustration, I finally settled into acceptance of my job several months ago. And that’s when things really started to happen.
I applied for a once-in-a lifetime opportunity that really sparked my interest and excited me. It wasn’t a job, but a huge opportunity all the same. At nearly the same moment, my company started reorganizing my division. Then, in the past couple of weeks, both opportunities started picking up speed. To my utter surprise, the crazy once-in-a lifetime opportunity looks like it might actually work out, while at the same time, I have been moved into a position at my company that I think I might actually like.
The Universe must have a perverse sense of humor. The problem is that I may not be able to do both. One could jeopardize the other and once I realized that, I started dragging my feet on the riskier venture. I became late about returning…